October 8th

Okay so I made the comment about the floor. To be more clear and more honest, I rarely go to the floor. Now DH has said that she doesn't see this going to the floor really, and by "this" I mean I'LL CRANE FOR YOU. But what else? She has also suggested (humorously in part) that the problem with going to the floor is that you have to get back off the floor and there aren't many people who can do this in a very interesting way. (The gauntlet is down!) The audience knows you are getting up at some point and will (this is me now) anticipate it and there is a kind of "prove it" attitude suggested here. Unless you are (as one friend noted to me) a great butoh artist and are spending the entire dance on the floor and what we watch is the enormous dilemma of trying to get up - and that IS the dance. But that is not our dance. And, at the same time, I feel like I have to spend a lot of time on the floor in order to understand this fully. But I'll wait until my back is not in SPASM. For today, upright and dealing with the questions is just fine.

One thing I cannot let get me down is that I realize that in light of DH's statement, "I recognize my choreography when I see a dancer’s self-regulated transcendence of his/her choreographed body," that not only are we choreograhed bodies created by our environment, our nature/nourture, our stings and our succeses, but that we are choreographing ourselves all the time every moment. It's like habit I suppose. We acquire habit the first part of our lives as a survival mechanism and then spend the second half of our lives shaking off these habits to be finally free. And so dancing, or creating in any form, must be a way of countering this constant and unconscious and relentless "choreographing" that is going on all the time.

What's the word? Ah, "surrender." Good choice of words. Surrender the moment and there's no time for anything to cling because there is no time to assess how it's going nor indulge nor process the moment.

Okay, good.

Good night dear ones.

WB